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I NEED HELP WITH AN ESSAY please?

ok so i have to write an essay on: are todays famous people good role models for young people so this is wat i have can anyone help me edit it and use proper grammer Today’s famous people are not a good role model for young people because there doing inappropriate things like plastic surgery, bad relationship, and are on too many bad diets. Young people should look up to people like Raven Simon, Oprah Winfrey, and Barrack Obama. On of the most terrible thing that celebrities do now days is plastic surgery. People like Ashley Simpson, Mickey Rourke, Michael Jackson, Pamela Anderson, and Jessica Simpson have done much plastic surgery and now they look unappealing. Plastic surgery make people look fake, unnatural and make them lose there respect. Plastic surgery has some side effects like disfigurement, illness, infection, and birth defect. This is why it’s not good to do them. Many famous people are obsessed with plastic surgery so they are considered as a bad role model. Bad relationship is another big thing today. Famous people like to have boy/girl friends but they are not too smart about there decisions. They often make mistake and choose people who are rich and good looking. Most famous people are abusive, sexual, and are not honest. Some example of bad relationship would be Pamela Anderson /Tommy Lee, Charlie Sheen/Denise Richards, and Rihanna /Chris brown. Bad diets are another big thing today with famous people. Diets like Jenny Craig, Herbal Magic system, my fit, and fit for life often has side effect like gaining weight, gas, throwing up, and stomach ache. It is better not to take these diets. To maintain a healthy fit body its better to eat healthy and exercise. Most celebrities often starve them self and end up with a bad illness. Young people should look up to teachers and family members as their role models. So as you can see famous people are not a good role model for young people because they do plastic surgery, have bad relationship, and are on too many bad diets

Public Comments

1. yur essay is too short you need to ad some more talk about a specific celebrity and as to why you think they are bad or good role models make sure you include background info and why you u believe this is true don't just list a buch of people ! what grade are you in? if your in grade nine and up make sure your essay is composed of a least 5 paragraphs and be more specific and detailed same goes if your in grade 7-8 but it could be about 4 paragraphs i think
2. this is good
3. eer paragraph construction. grammar problems. Also what grade do u need the essay for? highschool / uni/ what level? how many words were requested?
4. 1st paragraph- shoudl say "not good role models" they're doing inappropriate...engaging in bad relationships... 2nd paragraph-terrible things...celebrities do nowadays...have done too much plasitc...make them lose the respect of their fans and of themselves...take out the sentence "this is why...", make last sentence "because many famous people are obsessed with plasitc surgery, they should be considered as bad role models" 3rd paragraph...bad relationships are another problem today...they are not wise about their decisions...abusive, sexual, and dishonest... hit enter and start a new paragraph 4th paragraph-Dieting is also popular with famous people...My Fit, Fit For Life...often have side effects such as...it is better not to practive these diets...celebrities often starve themselves... hit enter again before "so as you can see..." take out so as you can see, last sentence is famous people make poor role models for young people because many of them have plastic surgery, participate in bad relationships, and go on too many bad diets. one comment...famous people is a little too general (remember that oprah and obama are famous) maybe change to celebrites or hollywood stars